Never stop fighting for you

My eating disorder and anxiety started when a family member was ill, and when that special person is unwell is still when I struggle most with recovery. When I see them feeling nauseous, not eating and generally looking weak for some reason my protective impulses go into overdrive and because I know there’s nothing I can really do to help them, I punish myself instead. I find it really hard to eat or do anything that makes me happy when they’re in this state and the only thing I can hold onto to keep me sane is that I’m punishing myself and making myself miserable too. I know this isn’t right or healthy though. I know that this amazing person wouldn’t want me to be hurting myself and I have a duty to protect my own body and wellbeing, even when the people around me aren’t well. I have been really struggling with this recently. But, I must remind myself that I am important and I am valuable and I matter, regardless of anyone else’s situation, and making myself ill doesn’t make anyone else any better. I am going to take care of myself. Even though it feels so wrong and selfish at the moment, I know that I must keep on trying. I don’t deserve to be feeling this level of anxiety and hate for myself and I am the only one who can make it right. Stay strong, take care of yourself for YOU and nobody else. Never stop fighting and never give up, you are stronger than you think 🙂 xx

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