eating disorder

For warrior girls, weight gain is positive!

I’ve been struggling with recovery from anorexia and dealing with anxiety for over two years, but the hardest battle I’m currently facing is staying positive as I slowly get back to a healthy weight. I have always had the intention of putting on weight, I want to be healthy and strong and feel happy and whole again and I know that those feelings all come with an increased, healthy BMI. But, due to various stresses in my recovery journey previously, I haven’t really felt like I have been actually putting on a significant amount of weight before. Now that my recovery is really taking off I am actually putting on weight (and, naturally after being underweight, mainly on my hips and tummy) and I have to be honest, it doesn’t feel nice. I have always been insecure about my tummy so it doesn’t make it easy when this is the first area that the weight goes to and, just on some days, it is starting to make me feel a bit fat and greedy. It is times like this that I tell those demons in my head to STOP and I start to fight them: it’s never nice for anyone to feel like they’re putting on weight but I actually need to and, although this feels new and weird and scary, at the end of the day I want to weigh more and be happy and healthy. I remind myself that it is normal to feel unsettled and upset as this weight hasn’t been natural for me, and I have been using restrictive eating as a coping mechanism, for so long, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to recover. I want to put on weight, I want to be healthy again, I want to be strong, I want to reconnect with my body and see it as something that can bring me joy rather than something I need to starve. If you are a fellow warrior girl out there and you are struggling with the battle of weight restoration then keep fighting, it isn’t easy and let’s be honest sometimes it feels really shit. But just remember your goal; you want to be healthy and happy and strong and well. You are a strong warrior and you have the power to get yourself there 🙂 xx

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