I don’t know if anyone else who has been through the anorexia recovery journey has experienced this, but I am finding it a real battle to stop counting my calories. My eating disorder and anxiety grew from a need for control so, even now, I find being able to put a number on my calories and measure it specifically very reassuring and comforting. Ofcourse the problem with this is that I know when I have exceeded the average count for the day, and knowing that in terms of figures, in black and white, makes me feel a lot more guilty about exceeding this.
So today I have decided a new challenge, I am going to score my food in happiness points. The control of counting and measuring is comforting to me so I am going to do this but in a new way, scoring how happy my food makes me feel out of ten.
As I am doing this I am also reminding myself that, unfortunately, the calorie limit is not always accurate. As someone who has struggled with anorexia and anxiety my body is undernourished and can’t always tell me when it’s hungry. So I have to listen to my body and if it is hungry then I have to answer that call, not listen to what some government food agency says is or isn’t the right amount of calories for me.
I am not going to allow myself to be defined by a number of calories or restricted by a limited number per day. I am going to fight my battle and win by listening to my own body, not to a prescribed number.
I am battling my anxiety and learning that I am more valuable than a random number. Stop counting, start really living 🙂 xx