eating disorder · recovery

Accepting and anticipating your demons

Even though I have been diagnosed with anxiety, anorexia and depression for over two years, I have only recently fully started admitting it to myself.

I was honest about my diagnosis from the start and didn’t try to hide it from people, but I don’t think I truly let it in and accepted it in my own head. I still got frustrated when I had days when I was really down or had an anxiety attack. I always used to beat myself up if I found it hard to gain weight, and couldn’t make myself eat more and exercise less even though I said I wanted to recover.

It’s a really hard thing to admit to yourself that your mental illnesses effect the way you think and behave and that you maybe aren’t ‘normal’. It’s one thing stating your diagnosis to others, but it’s a really scary step to admit to yourself that it’s part of you.

But, I’ve discovered that if you accept the mental illnesses you’re struggling with then your battle actually becomes a lot easier.

If I accept that I will have down days when my depression hits, they I can prepare myself for them. If I accept my anxiety then I can recognise panic attacks when they happen and tell myself that the feeling won’t last forever. If I accept my anorexia then I can be less harsh on myself when I struggle with my weight gain, and tell myself that those internal voices telling me to restrict are part of a recognised illness and shouldn’t be trusted.

It is never easy to admit that you’re not perfect, but at the end of the day nobody is. Everyone struggles with their own demons and the sooner you accept yours, the sooner you can start to recover.

Accept your illness as an obstacle that can be defeated, it is part of you but it won’t be forever đŸ™‚ xx

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