I’ve recently really been struggling with eating when other people aren’t, not because of comparing myself to them but feeling that I don’t deserve to eat if other people aren’t.
My eating disorder was worst when two members of my family were severely ill. They didn’t feel well enough to eat regularly and my anorexia made me feel like I was being in sympathy with them and showing solidarity.
I still feel really guilty eating if someone else isn’t feeling well because I feel like I’m being a greedy, selfish person. I know this isn’t logical but its a really emotional area for me so I find it really hard to battle.
My eating disorder has never been about trying to be thin or look good, it’s been how I’ve felt in control when things and people around me seem to be going wrong and there’s nothing I can do. I feel really stupid that I’m not able to get over this barrier in my eating disorder and I don’t know how to convince myself that I don’t need to worry about these things anymore.
Right now I have no idea how I’m ever going to get over this feeling that everything could suddenly the go wrong, but I guess I just have to keep trying.
Keep trying, be brave 🙂 xx